# some life updates, book hauls and current faves 💌 a chatty vlog

- Channel: [throneofpages](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyuNJzAtko2kjOkjuAekw2w)
- Published: 2026-04-24
- Source video: [Watch on YouTube](https://youtube.com/watch?v=LrWqEKaVjFs)
- Read on ReadTube: https://www.read.tube/p/videos/LrWqEKaVjFs
- Language: English

## Summary

**My Chronic Pain Journey and Life Updates**

In this vulnerable vlog, Bella opens up about the chronic pain she has been facing since 2023, explaining how these health struggles led to her recent absence from the channel. Despite these ongoing difficulties, she shares moments of comfort by discussing her latest book hauls, her current reading progress, and how engaging with her community provides much-needed support.

Bella opens up about her recent absence, explaining that she has been struggling with chronic physical pain since mid-2023. This condition has created significant mental and emotional strain, making daily tasks difficult and leading to feelings of isolation. She emphasizes that while her family offers moral support, the ongoing nature of her medical issues makes her feel lonely. Despite these hardships, she aims to remain hopeful by finding joy in small moments and continuing her creative projects.

- She documents her experiences with chronic pain to foster connection and seek advice from others in similar situations.
- She expresses gratitude for the support of her community and highlights the importance of keeping life balanced with positive activities like reading and connecting with loved ones.
- She shares recent book unboxings and provides brief thoughts on her current reading, including Battle Royale, Your Absence is Darkness, and others.
- She plans to document her daily life and return to creating content as a way to prioritize her well-being.

## Article

Hi, how are you doing? Hello, my favorite people. I hope you're doing well. Welcome back to my channel. Or if you're new here, welcome to your new favorite place on the internet. My name is Bella, and I've been gone for about 3 weeks. I honestly, quite sincerely, just haven't had the energy, the time, or the mental capacity to think about filming, editing, uploading, or pretending that everything's okay. I don't want you to feel abandoned or feel like I don't care, but I have enough distance from the events of the last few months to speak about it without immediately bursting into tears.

#### Living with Chronic Pain

Ever since 2023, I have been living with pain every single day. The people around me—my family and friends—don't know what that entails. They can empathize and try to be kind, but they cannot truly understand the experience of not being able to feel comfort in your own body. Constant pain wears away at your mental health, and this journey has made me feel isolated. I don't have the same energy or capabilities as others, and it hurts when people ask things of me that I simply cannot do. I have reached a dead end, and it is exhausting to be in pain while laying in bed, walking, or at the movies.

Up until mid-2023, I was a healthy person. Then, I began getting unexplainable injuries. Doctors consistently tell me they have never seen anything like this and cannot explain what caused it or how to prevent it. Having to deal with the pain is hard enough; bearing the weight of uncertainty and receiving vague solutions adds an immense emotional toll.

#### Finding Hope

Despite the struggle, there have been beautiful moments. My sister had a baby, and my brother visited from Taiwan for what has been the highlight of the year. Still, I’ve been grieving the person I thought I was going to be—the version of me that expected to be pain-free. I’ve had to learn to adapt to new limitations and recognize when my energy bar hits its cap. If you have experience with chronic pain, I would genuinely appreciate any tips on how to not let it win. I am looking for company and guidance.

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#### Book Haul & Unboxings

I want to share some things that bring me joy. I recently received some beautiful editions:

| Book Title | Author |
| :--- | :--- |
| *Sunrise on the Reaping* | Suzanne Collins |
| *Star-Shipped* | Cat Sebastian |
| *The Book of Disquiet* | Fernando Pessoa |
| *A Tree Grows in Brooklyn* | Betty Smith |
| *The Handmaid's Tale* / *The Testaments* | Margaret Atwood |

I am currently reading *Your Absence is Darkness*, which is an emotional exploration of grief and generational trauma. It is a slow, introspective read that is very different from the last book I finished.

#### Recent Reads

*   ***Battle Royale***: This was the most fun I've had with a book all year. It is a 600-page horror/dystopian novel about a class forced to kill each other. It is intense, violent, and fascinating.
*   ***Your Absence is Darkness***: A deeply emotional book about family and memory. One of my favorite lines so far is: "Give me darkness and then I'll know where the light is."

#### Entertainment & Life Updates

- **Anime**: I am currently watching *Tamon's B-side*, which is filling my days with laughter and helping me re-enter my anime era.
- **Gaming**: My brother and I have been playing *Clare Obscure: Expedition 33*.
- **Studio Update**: My brother is visiting, so his old room—which I turned into my home library—is currently occupied by a bed. 

I wanted to show you that even while I am adapting to a new, difficult reality, life continues, and I am still finding beauty in the little things. I am trying to take it day by day, minute by minute, and stay connected with all of you. If you'd like to join my community, check out my Patreon for exclusive content and reading sprints.